September 27, 2020

Valium Sales Skyrocket in Sadr City

Sadr City is a suburb of Baghdad which was built in 1959. It was originally called Revolution City after the Beatles Song “Revolution” said George Martin Jr. this week from Las Vegas Nevada which means The Grasslands. Grass is illegal in the Grasslands which as you can imagine has caused tremendous confusion, cognitive dissonance, anxiety and stress among the residents. Valium is a prescription drug used as a sedative to treat anxiety, insomnia, seizures and valium buy online the type of convulsions associated with grandmothers blasting themselves into the next dimension in order to care for their young virgin granddaughters. Last week it was reported that Allah was running out of virgins and servants as each martyr is promised 80, 000 servants along with 72 virgins in return for their Holy service. Why anyone would need to be serviced by 80, 072 people at the same time escapes me but this week 2 Beatles released a new album named Love from Heaven. According to Yoko Ono John had channeled several of the songs to Shirley MacLaine who is the sister of Warren Beatty who built Las Vegas in the movie Bugsy. Bugsy was the toughest guy around but when he tried to act tough on the big screen he came off more like Paul Rubens in the back row. Not that Hugh Grant should talk but this week that back seat driver came out with a new film and appeared quite anxious about it.

Valium was invented by Leo Sternbach of Hoffman-La Roche in 1963 just in time for the Kennedy assassination. This was reported extensively by Walter Cronkite who is now doing the introductions for Katie Couric, giving the CBS Evening News a sense of tradition, continuity, and a male voice in case the people rebel at the thought of a female anchor. There are very few female anchors in Sadr City, which was renamed Saddam City by you know who. Never in the annals of legal history has a war crimes trial been so obviously rigged. Ever since 4 of the defense attorneys were blasted to smitherines the entire defense team has been doping themselves silly just to go to court. This may explain why Saddam’s lawyer Ramsey Clark the 67nd United States Attorney General said in his closing argument, “Man, I’m really stoned your honour. This opium is primo. I haven’t been this high since Lyndon Johnson sent me to the Asian Pearl Brothel in Ho Chi Minh City which used to be called Saigon. I guess you’re nobody if a city isn’t named after you. At least I have a condom named after me, which may be why the Pope has never invited me for dinner. I mean who is he to talk? He only has an omelet named after him. “

Paxil is a newer antidepressant manufactured by Glaxo Smith Kline. In 2004 the FDA ordered the containers to have a warning that the medication caused an increase in suicidal thoughts and behavior. This warning has now been placed on the Koran. Unfortunately the suicide bomber grandmother was illiterate but it matters not now. People forget that Saddam Hussein was giving $25, 000 to the families of each Palestinian suicide bomber and threatened to obliterate Israel long before President Ahmidinejad even thought of it. Was there a connection between Iraq and 9/11? Well, the hijackers were all Muslim, the Iraqis are all Muslim, and the root of the problem is the automobile which was invented by Karl Benz on September 11, 1885. For 5 million years before the invention of the car people walked or rode horses but now we are all heading into the Apocalypse fighting over gasoline. Our epitaph as a species will soon read, “We feel the need for speed. “.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *